In Part 1, we explored the personal and cultural factors that contribute to underdeveloped boundaries and limits in Asian Australian culture. Let’s dive into actionable steps you can take to strengthen and assert your boundaries in everyday life.

Here are some practical steps to help you build and reinforce your boundaries and limits:

1. Identify the Signs

The first step is to reflect on situations where you’ve felt uncomfortable, overstepped, or violated. Think back to the signs—were you feeling resentment, frustration, or exhaustion? These reflections can help you identify what is non-negotiable for you. What physical sensations do you notice in your body? Each memory and event is linked to our physical body—look out for muscle tension, tightness around the shoulder, the throat, heavy sensation on the chest, a hollow sensation in the gut. By pin-pointing the emotional signs, the physical sensations, and the memory of the situation you can begin the work of restoring your boundaries.

2. Mental Rehearsal

Building boundaries takes practice, and we recommend using short and concise phrases. It is always a good idea to mentally rehearse these phrases, and take the time to formulate them. We would suggest writing them down followed by rehearsing them out loud. We highly recommend asking thinking through these 4 statements in relation to a situation that you’re in:

• “This is what I want”
• “This is what I will do”
• ”This is what I do not want”
• ”This is what I will not do”

It is vital that you first know where you stand. Whether it’s determining how much time you’ll spend on a task or how far you’ll go in a relationship, knowing these ahead of time is crucial. Again, be clear with yourself and others about what those limits are.

3. Practice, Practice, Practice

Start small by voicing your boundaries and limits in safe, supportive environments, or with people that you’re already comfortable. As you become better practiced, you can gradually set boundaries in more challenging situations. Remember, it’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty—your well-being comes first, and establishing limits is a form of self-care. It’s perfectly fine to step back when something no longer serves you or when you’ve reached your emotional, mental, or physical threshold. Remember, to always start small and build upon your progress steadily. Don’t rush this step.

4. Seek Support and Therapy

If you’re dealing with unresolved trauma, therapy can be an invaluable step. Trauma often complicates boundary-setting, but working through your past with a therapist can solidify the foundation needed to build strong, healthy boundaries. Therapy helps you not only heal and reprocess the original trauma event but also empowers you to establish limits that honour your needs and well-being. In therapy, our clients often hear us use the timeless analogy of the ice berg—the tip that’s sticking out contain the signs and symptoms where we apply practical solutions such as setting boundaries and limits. However, below the ice berg is where we complete the work of transforming the pain that created the symptoms in the first place.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Building boundaries and limits is not an overnight process, especially if you’ve spent years or even a lifetime without them. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion. You might not always get it right, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re taking steps toward protecting your well-being and living a more empowered life. We’re big fans Kristin Neff and Brené Brown, their contributions to this space is invaluable so we recommend you checking them out!

6. Educate Yourself

Consider attending a group or workshop dedicated to building boundaries and limits. Learning alongside others can provide practical insights and strategies to help you integrate boundaries into your daily life. It also doubles as a powerful reminder that we are not alone, but together in the journey of restoring our boundaries and limits. Specific to recovering from intimate partner violence or an abusive relationship, the Shark Cage model created by Ursula Benstead offers tools for understanding and reinforcing your boundaries, particularly when yours have been repeatedly violated. Relational violence can appear in less subtle forms as well the not so subtle: financial, coercion, black mail, isolation tactics, intimidation and more. You can learn more about the different forms of Power and Control here.

Empower Yourself to Live Authentically

Change is possible. You have the power to restore those walls and decide when to exit the race. Setting boundaries and limits isn’t about shutting others out—it’s about reclaiming your life, your voice, and your agency. You deserve to lead a life that reflects your true self, not just the expectations placed upon you by others.

Take the First Step Today

As you reflect on these practical steps, consider how you can begin to implement them in your own life. Start small, take it one step at a time, and remember—this is your journey. If you need more guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support. Your well-being matters, and building boundaries and limits is a powerful way to honour that.

Wellspring Counselling is not a crisis service so if you or someone you know are thinking about suicide please call the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or 000 for emergency situations. For emotional distress please call Lifeline 13 11 14, Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Mensline Australia 1300 78 99 78.