Reclaiming Your True Self with Gabor Maté’s Self-Inquiry Excercise
Do you ever feel like you’ve lost sight of who you really are? Many Asian Australians grow up balancing cross-cultural expectations with personal desires. We learn to prioritise duty, achievement, and harmony often at the cost of our authenticity.
Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned physician and trauma therapist, explains in his book The Myth of Normal that humans have two core needs:
- Attachment: connection, love, and belonging
- Authenticity: the ability to express our true selves
As children, when these needs clash, attachment wins. We suppress parts of ourselves to stay connected to family and community. But as adults, this disconnection can lead to stress and dissatisfaction.
6 questions to reconnect with yourself
Dr Maté offers six key questions to help rediscover your authenticity:
1. In my life’s important areas, what am I not saying no to?
- Your body holds information – tension, fatigue, or discomfort might be signals of deeper emotional misalignment.
2. How does my inability to say no impact my life?
- Intuition often whispers before it shouts. Are you dismissing a feeling that something isn’t right?
3. What bodily signals have I been overlooking?
- Suppressing emotions to keep the peace may feel safer, but unprocessed feelings don’t disappear – they manifest in other ways.
4. What is the hidden story behind my inability to say no?
- Are you making life choices based on what you want or on what will make others proud?
5. Where did I learn these stories?
- Fear of disappointing others can keep us stuck. Imagine making decisions purely for yourself – what changes?
6. Where have I ignored or denied the “yes” that wanted to be said?
- Reflect on moments when you’ve silenced your needs or desires for the sake of harmony.
If these questions resonate with you, take the time to reflect. Reclaiming authenticity isn’t about sudden changes. It’s about listening to yourself, making small shifts, and living in alignment with your values.
Your true self is still there. It’s time to come home to it.
Dr Maté devotes an entire chapter to these questions. For further reading go to Chapter 28, ‘Before the Body Says No: First Steps on the Return to Self’.
Do you feel affected by trauma?
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Wellspring Counselling is not a crisis service so if you or someone you know are thinking about suicide please call the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or 000 for emergency situations. For emotional distress please call Lifeline 13 11 14, Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Mensline Australia 1300 78 99 78.
